Thoughts on the wedding and religion

When my fiancé and I decided to find a minister for our wedding, we were in a bit of a pickle. See, I was raised as a “nondenominational Christian” (whatever that is!) and Ryan was raised Catholic. But since starting college over 9 years ago, we’ve started finding our own paths to religious understanding and neither of us have stepped foot in our childhood churches in quite some time. In addition, we both went to college and are getting married far, far away from our childhood homes.

So, finding a minister for our wedding was a challenge. Many of the ministers that we asked didn’t feel comfortable doing the ceremony outside their church (i.e., outside their community, regardless of what our community was) or with young adults who weren’t their particular brand of Christianity. Many were put off that we didn’t want to get married physically in a church. Many of them kept asking, “why not just get a justice of the peace?”

It caused us to ask ourselves the meaning of religion in our lives. Why was our religion important to us? Why was a faith-based ceremony important? It was hard to stress that we wanted to get married in the eyes of God, with our families, friends, and community to celebrate our union, our marriage and our happiness.

We finally found a rather liberally minded minister through our university’s chapel; she's a wonderful lady well-known in the community for her community-service and compassion. Counseling with her about our upcoming marriage has been an emotional rollercoaster and a way to dig deep into our particular beliefs. The first question our minister asked us was, “how do you practice your religion?” Not “what religion are you?” Not “what denomination do you belong to?” That question was one in which both my fiancé and I opened our mouths to answer, paused, looked at each other, and slowly closed our open mouths. What a deep question! How do we practice religion?

Her follow-up questions were equally deep. Instead of the typical: “Who are your bridesmaids/groomsmen?” it was “Why are they your friends?” Instead of, “How will your family be involved in the ceremony?” it was “How do you foresee your parents role when you have children?” Instead of “you have to be in my church for me to do the ceremony” it was “Of course I’ll do the ceremony, but you have to promise me you’ll keep in contact when you have children. I think that is where religion and family and community will really change in relation to your marriage, your partnership.”

I feel so blessed to have found our minister. Maybe these questions will help others think, as they have made us.