A Traitor's Prayer
I knew all along that it would end this way,
But I didn't realize that it would be this way.
I knew all along what I had to do,
But I never took time to see what I was doing.
I knew I had to gain their trust in order to work against them,
But I never thought that in gaining their trust I would learn to love them.
I knew that I would sell out my enemies to my allies,
But I never dreamed that my enemies would be my friends.
And now that it is done and irreversible,
I am dying. Slowly.
My strength is being sucked from me
By the love I still cling to -
Love for all those whose lives
I took from them.
So now I am begging, pleading, praying:
Tear this traitor's heart from my chest -
Leave me bleeding,
For I would rather die with them than live
Without them and with the knowing
That it was my hand that sent them to eternity.
I deserve no less and I pay it gladly, so take me...
Take me... Take me...
How cold the stone floor feels against my face,
Even though I have laid here for hours.
Is it your voice I feel stirring in my wretched soul?
Is it you?
What do you want from me?
I cannot do what you are asking -
Do you not remember what I have done?
Is repentance enough to save the soul of a traitor?
The floor is still so cold against my face,
Unwarmed by the tears I have poured upon it.
But now as I lift my face to the rising sun...
Oh, quick, to my horse!
To the mountains, and across them,
To the borderlands, and beyond!
I must ride - yes, to my enemies' rescue -
To protect the country I choose to call "home".
I am a traitor who has found forgiveness.
I will stand and fight by the side of my enemy,
For the memory of those who died,
And for love of the ones who live.
This poem was rejected last month, so I thought I'd put it here to get some more feedback on it. It was written in the viewpoint of the main character of my novel, Son of the Shield