"You're It"

Fiction By Matthew // 8/21/2012

Pale ochre light leaked out from half shut shades, lazily reflecting off the blackened brick walls of the ally to cast eerie, ever shifting patterns across the network of broken stones. She walked, or attempted to, as her legs begged to run, or at least jog through the horrid place to get into the suns fading light. Yet as frightened and quick as her little heart beat in her chest, she forcibly kept her pace to a quick step. This was not the first time walking through the scant, dirt encrusted area of town. It was a shortcut that saved half an hour of time, and yet almost scared her senseless each time she walked it. This time however, it felt different, more imposing and fierce. Once again she looked for signs that reminded her of the narrow path. This time however, when she twisted her head around, she saw nothing that reminded her of her previous walks. She continued walking, determined with each step that she would find her way out, counting, knowing that by the time she hit one-hundred, she would be out of the ally. At seventy-eight, she knew something was wrong, for not only was her gut shouting warnings, nothing looked even vaguely familiar. It was much darker here and a chill wind blew through at her back. She turned around to start heading the other way when suddenly one of the overhead lights turned out. Now the ally was darker than ever.
She trembled, glancing to and fro until she spied in the distance a lantern. It took all her will not to rush toward it, but instead made a light jog. She had almost made it when her shoe caught the lip of a slightly upturned stone. She felt herself thrown forward into the air, a small shriek emitting from her tight lips. Landing on her hands, she felt her purse cushion slightly her chest, however still knocking out her breathe. Laying there, gasping, the wind suddenly picked up, rushing around her and threatening to pull away her coat and scarf. Over the wind, there almost seemed to be an eerie laugh echoing its riot at her fall. She twisted on her stomach, and pulled herself into the lanterns circle of light, feeling that it protected her from the nauseating black world outside of it.
Painstakingly, she edged until she was under the lamp, using it as support as she stood up, rubbing her hands where they had been smarted by the rough fall. Nothing broken, she leaned against the protective pole a moment, trying to get her breath back to normal before figuring out where to go. Suddenly the lmap flickered, wind picking up and carrying past that sinister echoing laugh. Her heart leapt again and she glanced wildly around. Seeing nothing however, she sighed, telling herself it was her imagination.
She closed her eyes in a small attempt to assure herself everything would be alright. The moment her eyes shut however, unnervingly close a voice spoke, "Eenie." She jumped, now angry at the constant interruption and glared in the direction of the voice. But only an empty alleyway deject of people stood in her view. As far as she could see, she was the only one even close to the lamp. Its soft golden glow appeared like a halo above her and she began to relax again, convincing herself it was pure imagination. She closed her eyes for a moment again to steel herself for stepping outside the glowing circle of comfort. Again though, the voice spoke, this time on the other side in a hoarse whisper, "Meenie." She immediately lashed out, crying out, "Who are you?!" Only the wind answered, again with the almost inaudible laughter following in its wake. Folding her arms around her, she decided she had enough and started in what she believed was the direction she had come from, determined to get home as quickly as possible. Just as she was about to leave the circle of light though, the voice came again, "Meinie." She whirled around, only to find again a blank circle of light, nothing appearing out of the ordinarily. Her heart started to beat rapidly again, unnerved by the ghostly voice. She waited in the silent hopes whoever was playing games with her would come out. "Show yourself!" She shouted, feeling a little more confident after the words were spoken. The wind, still blowing, began to chill her back until she shivered. Just before turning around however, almost as it spoken directly in her ear, the voice whispered, "Mo!"
She whipped around, arms flailing as she tried to backpedaled as fast as she could. Almost even before realizing that once again there was nothing there, she threw her purse at the disembodied voice and took off running in the opposite direction. Her heart was now beating against her ribs in an almost unhealthy pace, breathing coming in gasps. The remnants of the lamps light were all that kept her from running into walls. Over the now roar of the laughing wind, she heard a voice that appeared to follow her overhead chanting, "Catch a lady by her toe."
At the moment she heard the word toe, she smashed her same foot as earlier on some shapeless hard object and once more flew to the ground in a tumbling flurry. She shouted out in pain, rolling into a sitting position, grasping at her screaming foot. After a moment, she felt something sticky running down her hands. Now out of the lamps light, the cold blue moonlight glowed around her as she held up her hands. Something black seemed to leak from her palms as it took her a moment to accept her hands were bleeding. Then the hurt truly smashed her brain and she screamed out, rocking herself as her whole body erupted in a conflagration of pain. She continued until she ran out of breath, taking small gasps. Tears rolled off her cheeks as she fought back the desire to curl up and just lay there on the rough stone ally floor.
After what seemed a minute, she attempted to move her foot, pain shooting up her leg again and erupting in another small exclamation. Almost immediately following it though, she heard the voice once more, echoing across the faceless walls of the buildings to the side, "If she hollers let her go." She twitched, causing another painful gasp, and tried to pull away from the crushing intense voice. Turning over, she attempted to crawl forward, crying out with each time she placed a hand on the icy stones below her. The wind picked up again, echoing the voice even more as it surrounded her with a repetitious "let her go." Too much to bear, she rolled on her side and sobbed, crying out "Please, please let me go! Please!" As she continued to cry, the wind only got louder, the maniacal laughter only getting louder.
As the terrifying laugh blast past her, suddenly everything became deathly quite. Besides her own muffled sobs, the entire ally was deadly still. A minute passed. She dared to open her eyes. Only the moons soft glow shown across the ally. Another minute ticked by. She carefully sat up once again, wiping her face with the back of her hands. Another minute passed. She began to breathe again, hugging her knees for support as she waited for the pain to subdue. She closed her eyes, wishing she could forget everything that had just happened. Was it all a dream? The bloody hands didn't seem to agree. Suddenly the world became darker. She opened her eyes and looked up to see a cloud finish covering the moon completely. She glanced around, quickly becoming aware her world had gone completely black. "Eenie." The voice spoke directly in front of her. Shaking and trembling she tried to close her eyes but failed and instead slowly turned her head in the direction it spoke. "Meenie." Two glowing orbs lit in front of her, pulsing a blood red as the drew near. Within an arms length away, it dawned on her they were eyes of something more demonic than she could have imagined. "Meine." Her body begged her to move, thrash, anything to get away, but she was riveted on the spot by the hypnotic gaze. "Mo." She was not even breathing anymore, so taken in by the only thing she could see. The center of the eyes became black pits of death as it floated less than a hands breathe away.
"You're it."

Comments

This is just...this just took

This is just...this just took my breath away. This is really good. Very well written and the suspense is used just right. Love this short story.

p.s. Are you a retired monthly writer? Because your work is on the front page but you are not in the monthly writer page.

Lucy Anne | Tue, 08/21/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I just don't know what to

I just don't know what to say. You truly are a gifted writer, and I very much mean it.

"Pale ochre light leaked out from half shut shades, lazily reflecting off the blackened brick walls of the ally to cast eerie, ever shifting patterns across the network of broken stones."

That bit was my favourite; if there could be a favourite bit chosen.

Maddi | Tue, 08/21/2012

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

:)

Matthew! You haven't been around in ages! Good to have you back!

This was well-written, but slightly disturbing...

Kyleigh | Wed, 08/22/2012

Wow

I believe you're the first writer I know to use 'Ochre' in a sentence. That alone earns you points.
This outright scared me, and I don't scare easily.
Very nicely done, although the typographical errors detract from the story some.

Aalen Fideli | Wed, 08/22/2012

Music I created
[updated]

Holy guacamole that was

Holy guacamole that was extremely eerie and well written! now I'll get shivers on my spine whenever someone sayd "Eenie, Meenie Meine, Moe." Kudos!

Sarah | Thu, 08/23/2012

"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca

Blogging away!
busyscribbler.wordpress.com

If you would kindly point out

If you would kindly point out the typographical errors, I will fix them immediately. Thanks!
-Matthew

Matthew | Thu, 08/23/2012

-The Werewolf Prince.

Hmm....

   This was....how should I describe it.....Strange.

"Suddenly the lap flickered, wind picking up and carrying past that sinister echoing laugh."

I believe that you meant to say lamp instead of lap.

"....however still knocking out her breathe."

It should be breath(breth) not breathe(breeth).

Arthur | Sat, 08/25/2012

"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."

Thank you!

Thanks! Edited!

Matthew | Sat, 08/25/2012

-The Werewolf Prince.

OMG

OMG this is one of the creepiest, most disturbing stories I have ever read. Have you ever read Edgar Allen Poe? Because this echoes him in a certain manner. I am still breathing heavily as I write this, the suspens is very intense. This is a great story to tell around the campfire! Anyways enough with the hysterics, I sincerely applaud you especially because the descriptions. I could really see this in my head. Write more of these!!! :D

Dan | Sun, 09/23/2012

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination - Albert Einstein