Ice Eyes, Prologue

Fiction By Arya Animarus // 6/20/2011

Thank you HomeschoolGirl for the title to this story.


Kaitlin dropped her bags to the floor and flopped face-first into the big bed against the wall. After several minutes of lying there, she stood up and picked her bags up off the floor. She set them on the bed. She began opening them and putting things away. The window at the other end of the room blew open. She glanced over with a sigh and walked up to it to close it. Stifling a yawn, she grabbed the knobs. She looked out at the huge lawn, bathed in moonlight. She rubbed her eyes. Had she seen a dark figure running across the yard, over near the woods? No, it was just her imagination. She was too tired, after her long journey, to think about it, anyway. She closed her bags and shoved them on the floor. She’d finish unpacking tomorrow. She pulled off her long dress and laid it over the back of a chair. Pulling a nightgown on and pulled the covers back on the bed. Slipping in, she pulled the covers over her, this time making no attempt to stifle her yawn. She was soon asleep. About midnight, the window slamming open awakened her. She sat up, startled. Looking over at the window, she saw nothing. Getting up, she went over to close it, but a dark form in the middle of the room stopped her in her tracks. It couldn’t be her imagination this time! It was too close! Was this the same form….? But it couldn’t be. Could it? She backed up against her bookcase and pulled a book off. The dark form crept closer to her. She heaved the book at it. She heard a low grunt and the silhouette sank to the ground. She took a cautious step closer. The shape on the floor didn’t move. She took another step closer. Leaning over, she took a good look at it. It was a boy. He was her age, if his face was anything to go on. He looked awfully thin, as if he didn’t get enough to eat. He had dark hair, almost black, but not quite. His skin was pale. It looked like the parchment Kaitlin used to write letters, when she did write. He was actually a little good-looking. His long eyelashes were lying on his cheeks. Suddenly, Kaitlin realized that she could see through him. He was disappearing. She jumped back with a gasp. Before he’d completely vanished, she saw his eyes open. They were a clear blue. They looked like little chips of cold ice. Kaitlin caught her breath. Then the phantom figure disappeared completely. Kaitlin was startled. She picked up the book on the floor and placed it back on the bookshelf. Automatically, she got back into bed and fell asleep.


 Hmmm, interesting :) Is this

 Hmmm, interesting :) Is this going to be fantasy, or more like an in-our-world-fairytale? I do have a few suggestions. You have a lot of really short sentences. You might want to lengthen some of them for variety. Also, unless she thinks she's dreaming, I don't think she would just fall asleep after something that strange had happened. But other than that, it was well written, and I'm interested in seeing the next chapter :D

Laura Elizabeth | Tue, 06/21/2011

The best stories are those that are focused, unassuming, and self-confident enough to trust the reader to figure things out. --

I'm interested...

Will there be more? Depending on the story, I have yet to have title ideas. If this is based on the boy the following sentence stuck out: They looked like little chips of cold ice. Perhaps it could be titled, "Ice Eyes." ? That might be irrelavant to where the story is going, though.

I really liked it--so PLEASE post more.

Madeline | Tue, 06/21/2011

Thanks guys!

Laura, I do realize that the sentences are a little short, but I was tired and wanted to get to bed. HomeschoolGirl, I like the name "Ice Eyes," and I think it's intriguing, but it is kind of irrelevent to the storyline. Thanks again. and Laura, it is a fantasy story, so expect some strange things to happen. You might think Narnia once you've read chapter one. I sorta jump into the story, so it's a little confusing. But thank you guys for commenting!

Arya Animarus | Tue, 06/21/2011

Oh for the times when I felt invincible.


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