Back in Time, Chapters three and four

Fiction By Sarah Anne // 12/2/2011

Chapter three.

Karl and Karen looked around them, the trees were bare; There was not one leaf to be seen on the trees, but the strange thing was that no leaves were on the ground. “Well, maybe these trees have not had leaves for a long time.” Karl suggested; Karen only nodded with agreement, she was afraid of this place. Karl however, like most boys, wanted to explore, “Let's explore this place, there could be tons of awesome places” Karen nodded her head and followed Karl; Soon, Karl and Karen found a clearing and went to it; There they realized they were on a huge cliff, about 400 feet below them was water all around as far as the eye could see. Karl and Karen soon realized that the forest was not very big; because they made it to all the edges very quickly, and on each edge, there was no way out; every side was cliff, and a 400 feet drop. There was water surrounding the whole cliff. Karen looked worried, but Karl looked interested. They found sticks for a fire and a nice warm fire was built. Karen looked up into the sky; she saw what looked like a person coming down from the sky, “Karl, Karl..Look...” Karl looked where she was pointing; “What?....” then he realized what she was pointing at. “Who is that?” He said, “how should I know?” Karen said in a rather irritated voice, then the figure appeared on the ground, “Tiendra!!” both Karl and Karen yelled, “Where have you taken us this time?” Karen asked. “I have taken you here to show your courage!” Tiendra looked at Karen, “I will take you back to the castle, my dear! But Karl must stay, for there are dangerous creatures here that he must fight.” Karen looked over at Karl, and then shining golden armor appeared on him; and a sharp sword appeared in his right hand while a shield appeared in his left hand. Then Karen and Tiendra disappeared out of sight.

 

Karl was sleeping peacefully when he heard a scream that sent chills down his back, it was not a human scream; he stood up and picked up his sword and shield; then he put his armor on. All of a sudden, he saw about six evil looking creatures charging at full speed, he put his helmet on and was waiting with his sword drawn......

 

Karen was worried for Karl, 'if this Tiendra is so magical, cannot she kill the creatures' Karen thought to herself; “No, my dear, I am not magical enough to kill the Wolves called the Hulithris. A man must kill them, they are very evil creatures” Karen was surprised that she heard her. “Look here Tiendra, why do not we get our armies out there and fight the creatures?” “because, Karen, a man sometimes has to prove that he is a man.” Then Tiendra walked away leaving Karen to think and worry about Karl.

 

Karl meanwhile was sticking his sword in one of the creatures hearts when, a creature jumped on his back and then hoards of other creatures jumped on him; “The great King will be glad to know we have you” said one of the creatures in a grunting voice.

 

Karen was looking out her bedroom window, when, When she saw about 30 wolves running at full speed; then she realized something she had not realized before. Across the river, very vaguely, she could see a dark black castle; All around it was water. Then the wolves disappeared;

 

Karl woke up to find himself on the back of a wolf running through water; he decided to pretend that he was asleep, when a wolf came up and sniffed him; "He is awake, Kyrit" a wolf came over and sniffed Karl. "He is not awake you fool!" Karl sighed with relief, soon they came to a dark black and creepy castle where bats and wolves were flying and running around. Karl looked around him with fright; Where was he now? He thought, surely he had not been taken to an evil castle to be killed.

 

Tiendra came up to Karen; "Karen, the wolves have Karl. We must get him back, soon" Karen looked over at Tiendra. "I do not know where he is. Do you know?” Tiendra looked down where the water was; "Yes, Karen. Yes, he has been taken to the castle of King king Orthnick. No one has ever escaped his dungeons," Karen looked towards the water, "Will he ever be gotten?" Karen looked very worried and sad. "I do think he will, although it i will be very, very hard to get him back;

 

Karl was thrown into a dungeon by two men. "There, that'll teach the rascal!" One of the men said, whose name was Robert. Karl looked around him, rats were running around; dead men's bones were everywhere, moldy bread lay on the floor. Karl felt scared, but brave at the same moment; then he thought about what Tiendra had said, "A man just sometimes has to prove that he is a man." He thought about it and felt brave, 'I can do this, I can get out' he thought. He looked over his shoulder and saw a crack in the wall.....

 

 

Chapter four.

Karen was laying down in her bed when a loud knock at the door was heard; she got out of bed and opened the door, there Tiendra was standing tall and stern. “Karen, tonight is the night!” Karen looked at Tiendra, “What do you mean?” “I simply mean that tonight we rescue Karl, and you need to get dressed into day clothes.” Tiendra simply answered; “So, I am going to fight?” Karen asked, feeling like a chicken; “Well, of course not my dear, girls are not supposed to fight! Now, meet me in the castle hall.” Karen looked relieved. By the time she got into her day clothes, Tiendra had been waiting for several minutes; Karen went into the hall where she met Tiendra, from there they went to the castle yard. Karen watched as Tiendra talked to some of the captains, “We need all of you across the river in one hour!” she heard Tiendra saying; “But, mam, we will never get across the river in one hour!” The head captain said, “Yes, with my help you will.” Then Tiendra came over to Karen, “With my help they should be across the river in an hour! You are going to go with them, but you will be safe.” Karen looked scared, “do you really need me?” she asked, “Yes, you will have to use the medicine I gave you; Karl is very sick from being in the dungeon!” Tiendra patted Karens shoulder and Karen felt better...

 

Karl threw his plate on the floor, he picked up the biggest piece and began to dig out chunks of the wall; but hours later, he gave it up; when he heard an extremely loud noise outside, the good thing was that the hole served as a window. He looked out and saw two armies, one was King king Orthnick's armies, and the other was Karen's armies...but wait, was that Karen he saw? He looked as hard as he could, but the hole was not very big.

 

Karen and the army set out to go, and soon arrived at the river; “Now, men we need to get across in one hour!” the captain said. On most of the men's faces were fear and shock, now, Karen looked fearless, because Tiendra had made her not to fear. Then the captain ordered the men to have their horses go across the river. The men plunged their horses into the ocean, after about fifty five minutes they were only half way across the ocean. Tiendra appeared to Karen, but again, Nobody knew she was there; “Karen you will get across” then she disappeared, and Karen looked hopeful, until she looked back at the ocean. But when she looked behind her to see if she could see Tiendra, there was no water; there was a forest, and when she looked ahead of her, there was a big black castle. Karen knew Tiendra had helped them. The next thing she knew is that the captain was telling his men how to get set up for attack, then he came over to Karen and told her to ride with the army until they got to the castle walls. Karen rode with the army til' she got to the wall, and she dismounted and went to the castle wall. The captain and his men were meeting the other army in battle; she was in the back of the castle, and she saw a hole; she bent down and looked into it and was stunned to see Karls face. “Karen! I am so glad to see you!” Karl said, “Karl, I am too! I brought you something, here..” she said and pulled out the vial. “Tiendra said to drink a drop of this” Karen said, “But, I thought she said only when you were tired” Karl said. “I did too, but you have to she said because you are sick, and when you are sick,, you are tired. Right?” Karen asked. “I guess,” he took the vial and let a drop fall on his tongue, and then swallowed it. Karen looked at the hole, Karl said, “there is no use Karen, I tried using a broken plate to dig a bigger hole, but it did not work, it took hours!” Karen looked hopeful, “I think if the two of us tried to, we could possibly get it just big enough for you to get out of!” Karl handed her a piece of the broken plate, and he got himself a piece and they began working quickly at the hard stone and wood. After a while, they had not gotten much farther. “Karen, lets stop..there is no use in us doing it til; they are done fighting, they probably Would not win against such a huge army!” Karl said, with little hope in his voice; “Tiendra said she would help us, and I know she will!” Karen sad. Karl and Karen talked for a few more minutes, and Karl told her about the wolves and his fight.

 

King king Orthnick was pacing back and forth in rage, “We will win!” He said. “And you better not let Prince Edward go!!” He said; he sent the guard to check on Karl. “Karen, you have to go! Hurry, a guard is coming!” he said and pushed his sat down, covering up the hole. The guard came in and Karl was pretending to be asleep; The guard went back to king Orthnick and told him. “Good, put him in chains!” So, the guard went back and caught him talking to Karen. “Who are you talking to?” said the guard in shock and fear, Karl spun around, he looked at the guard and then ran as fast as he could at the guard and knocked him down. Then he tied him up and brought him into the cell, he put him in a dark corner of the cell. “That was close, Karl” Karen said, she had been very frightened when she saw the guard come in.

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

First of all, I just want to

First of all, I just want to say that I will be very honest. The following is meant to be constructive critisism (sp).

This was very hard to read. The diagolue (sp)  was all bunched  together, making it difficult to follow, there were runon sentences, and some other grammar mistakes. BUT, I think if you go back and fix it, everything will be  alright.

Now, about the good things...I like the plot, and the first paragrah caught my attention. That is what  I call good writing...when the first paragrah catches the reader's attention. Maybe you can describe a bit more about the hospital. So those are just some suggestions. But please, please do not bunch everything together. Oh, and I like cliffhangy endings!  

Blessings, Lucy

 

Lucy Anne | Wed, 03/21/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks :)

Yeah, I need my sis to edit it...:-/ she hasn't yet, but I know it's kind of hard to follow and all, so, yeah. Thanks for your comment, I'll try to fix it when I have time :)

Sarah Anne | Wed, 03/21/2012

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths

P.S
Go to my blog and follow it: Sarahanneandrews.wordpress.com
:) for my sake, follow

Yes,  please do edit! I could

Yes,  please do edit! I cound only skim through it because it was pretty hard to follow and  I really want to read it. Soon. Cause it's really interesting!  

Lucy Anne | Wed, 03/21/2012

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson