The Constitution of Middle Earth
We, the people (referring to dwarves, of course), in order to perfect Middle Earth, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Middle Earth.
We find these proofs self-evident, that all people are not created equal, as there are five categories: Dwarves, Humans, Hobbits, Wizards, and Elves; and that Elves be the lowest of them all.
First, we find that any person with a beard has the right to pursue happiness and liberty.
We also find that humans without beards have the right to eat ice cream every day.
Thirdly, we find that all Rohanians have the right to win any arguments with a man of Gondor, and order him around to their hearts’ content.
Furthermore, we find that all people with pointy hats have the right to go wherever they please, whenever they please, and drink as much Pepsi as they want to.
All Hobbits will be allowed no more than 5 ounces of Brandy a day, and if found in a drunken state, will be fined 50 pieces of Gold.
Also, we find that all elves have none of these rights, and in fact, have no rights whatsoever; therefore, it is perfectly lawful for any Dwarf, Human, Hobbit or Wizard to push, kick or shove any elf when it seems pleasing to their mind.
Gimli son of Gloin,
And the counsel of dwarves of the Lonely Mountain