The Constitution of Middle Earth

An Essay By Susannah // 3/10/2013

We, the people (referring to dwarves, of course), in order to perfect Middle Earth, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Middle Earth.
We find these proofs self-evident, that all people are not created equal, as there are five categories: Dwarves, Humans, Hobbits, Wizards, and Elves; and that Elves be the lowest of them all.
First, we find that any person with a beard has the right to pursue happiness and liberty.
We also find that humans without beards have the right to eat ice cream every day.
Thirdly, we find that all Rohanians have the right to win any arguments with a man of Gondor, and order him around to their hearts’ content.
Furthermore, we find that all people with pointy hats have the right to go wherever they please, whenever they please, and drink as much Pepsi as they want to.
All Hobbits will be allowed no more than 5 ounces of Brandy a day, and if found in a drunken state, will be fined 50 pieces of Gold.
Also, we find that all elves have none of these rights, and in fact, have no rights whatsoever; therefore, it is perfectly lawful for any Dwarf, Human, Hobbit or Wizard to push, kick or shove any elf when it seems pleasing to their mind.
Signed,
Gimli son of Gloin,
And the counsel of dwarves of the Lonely Mountain

Comments

Haha! :D I loved this! :)

Haha! :D I loved this! :) Welcome to AP, though you've been on here for a while, I've never welcomed you :P Anyways, this was funny and creative! :)
This was my favorite part:
"Also, we find that all elves have none of these rights, and in fact, have no rights whatsoever; therefore, it is perfectly lawful for any Dwarf, Human, Hobbit or Wizard to push, kick or shove any elf when it seems pleasing to their mind."

Anyways, I noticed your fav. color is red(?). :) Mine too!
~Sarah

Sarah Anne | Mon, 03/11/2013

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths

P.S
Go to my blog and follow it: Sarahanneandrews.wordpress.com
:) for my sake, follow

Haha!

This is an interesting version of the Constitution! I thought that the part where you said all people are not created equal for so-and-so reasons was funny. As for the rest, I SUPPOSE that it's stated purposely because it has something to do with LOTR, so after I read LOTR, I'll read this again! :)

Have you ever listened to Misty Mountains Cold? Their voices are so beautiful and shall I saw, ethereal, but, I will cautions that the dresses are immodest. -- Megan

Lucy Anne | Tue, 03/12/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

:)

I love it. It goes so well with the character of the dwarves, and then the randomness of ice cream and Pepsi somehow just makes it better.

Kyleigh | Tue, 03/12/2013

LOL!LOL!LOL!!!

Loved this, it's very creative!
Fav lines:

We find these proofs self-evident, that all people are not created equal, as there are five categories: Dwarves, Humans, Hobbits, Wizards, and Elves; and that Elves be the lowest of them all.

Also:

Furthermore, we find that all people with pointy hats have the right to go wherever they please, whenever they please, and drink as much Pepsi as they want to.

And:

Also, we find that all elves have none of these rights, and in fact, have no rights whatsoever; therefore, it is perfectly lawful for any Dwarf, Human, Hobbit or Wizard to push, kick or shove any elf when it seems pleasing to their mind.

LOL! Awesome!

Kassady | Tue, 03/12/2013

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thanks!

Thanks so much! Actualy, Arthur helped me a lot on this. :)

Susannah | Wed, 03/13/2013

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

Susannah - a comment from my friend

One of my close friend (a lady homeschooler) who checks AP regularly asked me if I would tell you what she thought about this. Here's what she said from my letter, "Oh, and, if you are willing to waste a comment on me, can you tell Susannah that your friend read her writing (on Middle Earth) and finds it very interesting? especially the part which refers to wizards. And that enmity between dwarves and elves is portrayed very well and very humorously." - Megan

Lucy Anne | Sat, 03/16/2013

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I agree with everyone's

I agree with everyone's comments above that it's extremely funny. And I do realize that you probably weren't being too serious about this, but it's odd for Gimli to sign this considering that he was a good friend to Legolas who was an elf, and also Gimli thought that the elven Galadriel was the most beautiful lady of Middle Earth.

Kathleen | Thu, 03/21/2013

Agree with Kathleen

That is rather odd, come to think of it, but it's a funny parody all the same. I've done a few LOTR parodies myself.

Julie | Mon, 03/25/2013

Formerly Kestrel

I know!!!!!!!!

Gimli and Legolas are best friends,(not to mention, my favorite characters from LOTR!) but at the time Gimli wrote this he was very very very mad at Legolas, who had just won the argument of whether dwarves or elves are better. He was so mad at him that, consequently, he did not think of Lady Galadriel at the time!!!!! Oops!:p

Susannah | Mon, 06/17/2013

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

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