Waiting For You

A Poem By Susannah // 12/29/2013

I’m waiting for you,
You told me you’d come.
And I’ll keep on waiting
‘Til this world is gone.

I’m waiting for you,
In this cold, dark place.
Hoping by chance
I will see your bright face.

I’m waiting for you,
Though the hours grow long.
But I must keep waiting
And singing this song.

I’m waiting for you,
My head in my hands.
It’s sure getting harder
I don’t understand.

I’m crying so quietly,
Thinking of you.
And I feel the pain
As my heart breaks in two.

I sigh and get up,
And brush myself down.
If you won’t come save me,
Then I’m on my own.

Then I hear you whisper,
‘My love, can’t you see?
I’ll find you and save you.
Wait for me.’

Waiting for you,
I’ll try to be strong.
Meanwhile, my love,
Come.

I close my eyes,
And I’m in your arms.
I don’t doubt anymore,
That you’ll come.

I don’t know how long
And I don’t know when,
But you hold me close,
And then……..

You lift my chin,
Look into my eyes,
You wipe off a tear,
And say, ‘please don’t cry.’

‘I told you I’d come,
And now here I am.
And I promise that I’ll
Never leave you again.’

Comments

I like it! There were some

I like it! There were some rhythm problems, especially towards the middle and the end, but with some polishing I think that this would be really good!

Erin | Tue, 12/31/2013

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

At first this reminded me of

At first this reminded me of God, then of your story. But you didn't say anything about it in your notes section, so I don't think so. I like the rhyme. Changing the rhythm is definitely acceptable, but it depends on what type of poem you're writing. ie. Free-verse

If this was free-verse, it is definitely acceptable, but if you wanted it to have a particular rhythm, you could probably find it. Do you know what I mean? You probably can see or know that I'm not much of a poet, though.

Keep writing, because I enjoy seeing what you are going to write about next.

Lucy Anne | Wed, 01/01/2014

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This has a really nice,

This has a really nice, lovely tone. Most of it flowed really well, aside from a few places.

Then I hear you whisper,
‘My love, can’t you see?
I’ll find you and save you.
Wait for me.’

On that last line, you need another one or two syllables. "Please wait for me" or "Just wait for me" is an example of how you could do this.

The rest of the stanzas through the last two will need some tweaking if you want it to have a steady rhythm. If not, this is still good. It's a wonderful poem. :) Good job!

Madeline | Wed, 01/01/2014

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thanks, Guys!!!

Thanks lots! I'll fix it a little when I have time!

Susannah | Thu, 01/02/2014

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

Oh, I adored it! I can't

Oh, I adored it! I can't really pick out a part I like the most, I just love it! It's very very good and I absolutely adore it! :)

Flying Past Clouds | Mon, 01/06/2014

This is lovely!

I really like it. A few rhythm problems, but not too bad. Lovely job, I hope too see more of your poetry!

Maddi | Tue, 01/07/2014

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Thank you Maddi!

Thanks allot. I am glad you like it. :)

Susannah | Wed, 01/08/2014

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

:)

Thanks Flying Past Clouds! I really am glad people are liking this! :)

Susannah | Wed, 01/08/2014

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

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