Broken (Part Two of Perfect/Broken), A Chronicles of Narnia Fanfic

Fiction By Wings of Eternity // 2/25/2011

A/N: I was not happy with the ending of the Dawn Treader movie because I felt that there were too many loose ends left. This is to try to give some closure and tie up those loose ends. Also, I wanted to get inside of Edmund and Lucy’s heads for a while because this is not done much in the movie either. This is part two of my two part story. This story is in Lucy’s Point of View.

I sat in my room just like any normal day and gazed unseeing out my bedroom window. I know that Eustace and Edmund watched me struggle in my grief, but I couldn’t help it. I felt as if most of my soul had died when I left Narnia behind. Narnia was my home. My siblings still considered England their home, even in Narnia, but I knew the moment I set foot there that it was my true home. To leave it for good this time broke my heart.

I thought back to when Aslan had offered to let us stay in his country or return to England. Edmund had insisted that England needed us, that everyone we knew and loved there needed us. For once I just wanted to be selfish and stay, but as I looked at Edmund and then to Aslan, I realized that I couldn’t. As much as I loved Aslan, I could sense him wishing for me to go. I figured that he knew what he was doing, because he always acts in our best interests. It was only when I had ran back to hug Aslan one last time that I grasped part of his true intention of sending me back home. Of course I should use the knowledge I gained to be a better person in our world, but as I gazed into Aslan’s eyes, I saw them shift ever so slightly towards Edmund. No words were spoken, they didn’t have to be. I nodded almost imperceptibly to show him I understood. We both knew Edmund was still struggling, and somehow we both knew that I would be the key to helping him. The only way to help him was to go with him. I swallowed back my tears and followed Edmund back to England through the tunnel. I turned one last time to see Aslan standing there with a proud and pleased look on his face. Just knowing that he was happy with me gave me the courage to take the last step that led me back here.

I looked towards the doorway to my room. I know that it was hard for me, but I could not neglect what Aslan wanted me so desperately to do. I had to find a way to help Edmund. It wasn’t just that Aslan wanted it, but that I wanted it too. My siblings teased me about how much I always cared about everything, and I’ll admit that I do. It hurt me deeply to see Edmund suffering every day and I felt helpless that I didn’t know how to reach him, how to help him.

I stood determinedly and walked towards his and Eustace’s room. Eustace had gone to get the groceries this time as a favor for me. He may not have been the most perceptive, but even he must have known that the two of us needed time to be alone and talk. I had been very grateful to him. He was changing every day into a wonderful person.

As I got to their room, I paused in the doorway. Edmund appeared to be deep in thought and whatever he was thinking about didn’t appear to be pleasant. Suddenly he snorted and shook his head sadly. I really needed to find out what was wrong. I suddenly felt afraid, but of what I wasn’t sure. I took a hesitant step forward.

 “Edmund?” I quietly questioned. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

He turned quickly and looked somewhat surprised, like he was not aware of my presence until now.

“I’m fine,” he replied much too quickly for it to be the truth. I felt hurt, but I was determined to find out this time what his problem was. His eyes met mine briefly before he quickly averted them. That’s one of the many ways I could tell that he was lying.

“I know you’re lying Ed, I can always tell,” I told him matter-of-factly. He looked up at me sharply, anger clear in his eyes.

“I said I’m fine!” he practically snapped back at me. I normally could take his moods much better than now, but when he looked so harshly at me and spoke such words, I wondered if he might be beyond my reach. Maybe he really was lost to them forever, claimed by something he would never speak of, or something he would never admit to. The thought made me want to cry, but I tried my best not to. I took a deep breath before repeating my question again quietly.

“What’s wrong Ed?” I still was fighting to keep my emotions under control. I felt tense and I could see my hands trembling. I bit my lower lip in a last chance effort not to cry.

I briefly saw a storm in his eyes before he squeezed them tightly shut. I watched his body tense and his face change to one of pain. He usually would never allow anyone to touch him or comfort him, but I could not sit there and watch him suffer. I reached out and pulled him into my arms. He did not resist like I thought he would, but instead he laughed bitterly.

 “Edmund?” I questioned uncertainly.

He looked up into my eyes with a bitter smile that matched his laugh. “Why are you always perfect?” he asked softly. I was caught completely off guard by his question. I was not expecting him to ask something like that and I didn’t know how to respond. I tensed, but I didn’t let him go.

“What do you mean?” I asked still somewhat afraid and unsure of his answer.

“You always know what to say, what to do. You always believed when everyone else didn’t, and you were right. You never even came close to giving in to the things the rest of us were tempted by. You always saw Aslan even when we didn’t. You were always perfect.”

He paused and took a deep breath before he continued. “I’ve never been like you or the others. I betrayed you all to the White Witch, more times than you know. I actually lost count it was so many. I lied to you all countless times. I never argued with Peter about following Aslan when I knew we should have at the gorge. I never tried to stop the taking of Caspian’s castle when I knew it would not work well in our favor. I was so blinded by wanting to be acknowledged and followed instead of always being in the shadows that I fought Caspian over a river that turned things to gold.”

Tears filled his eyes. “Why couldn’t I just have been perfect like you? How much blood must be shed, how many lives must be lost, how many people must I hurt before I learn? Maybe I’m just a lost cause Lu. I know I certainly don’t deserve to be your brother. I always hurt you; I always disappoint you.” He lowered his head to her shoulder, hiding his face from her.

I was stunned. This is what he had been keeping bottled up inside of him all of this time? He felt like she was perfect while he failed and suffered for it? He felt that she was always hurt and disappointed by him? Oh why hadn’t she mustered up the courage to talk to him sooner? I felt the tears I had been trying to keep at bay finally escape. One of my tears landed on his cheek and he looked quickly up at me startled. I looked into his eyes for the briefest of moments and saw glimpses of the pain, guilt, and suffering he was trying his best to hide from everyone. I just couldn’t’ help it; it hurt me so much to see him like that. I began to sob into my hands, ashamed at myself for not trying to save him from his suffering sooner.

I felt his arms gently wrap around me and give a little tug. I froze, and inhaled sharply. Edmund rarely comforted me like this. I couldn’t believe that he was trying to comfort me when he was the one who needed the comforting. I met his eyes again for the briefest of moments. I saw hesitance and concern for me warring in them. I simply couldn’t hold back anymore. I threw myself into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

He slowly and somewhat awkwardly tried to console me by rubbing my back. He was not the same as Peter in his comforting, but I found his awkward attempts to console me more endearing because they came from him and not Peter.  I let go of his shirt and put my arms around him, still crying hard. After what seemed like a long time, but was in reality just a few minutes, my sobbing lessened into a somewhat steady but slower flow of tears. I took a few deep shuddering breaths before looking up again.

I tried to sit up, but Edmund held me tightly to him. I decided not to resist and instead laid my head back against his chest. I had to tell him how wrong he was about me. I had to tell him that I was not perfect like he thought I was and that he was not alone in his struggles. “Oh Edmund,” I murmured, “I’m not as perfect as you may think.”

He remained silent, simply stroking my back, so I continued. “There were so many times I doubted. So many times where I let my fears guide me instead of my heart.” I could recall every time clearly. I should have had more faith, but I was too afraid to act on what I knew was right.

“You are not the only one at fault Edmund,” I said closing my eyes momentarily. “I could have followed Aslan at the gorge despite Peter and Susan not believing me. I was simply too scared to go by myself. I should not have given into my fear.” I opened my eyes and looked up at him. “I too knew that Peter should not have led a takeover of Caspian’s castle, but I didn’t do enough to stop him. I doubted myself, that my judgment was somehow wrong. After all, I figured Peter knew what he was doing, even if his plan made no sense. If I was being honest with myself though, I knew it would not please Aslan to act without him, and that should have been enough to get me to try harder to stop him. I didn’t though.” I said sadly.

“You can’t really blame yourself Lu,” he said with a sigh. “If I were in your shoes, I would have been afraid too. I could have gone against Peter and Susan and helped you get to Aslan, but I didn’t. I had no excuse either, because I wasn’t really afraid. I guess I thought that I had no right to argue with Peter, even though in that case I probably did.” He paused for a moment. “As for Peter’s decision to take Caspian’s castle, I don’t think that anything you would have said would have changed his mind. I don’t know if I could have knocked some sense into him, but I didn’t even try. You at least tried to make him see reason. You are not as much at fault as I am. I could have taken the chances you kept offering me to agree and follow your lead, but I didn’t. I am so sorry Lu.” I squeezed him gently.

“Still Ed, it doesn’t change the fact that I am partially at fault for everything that happened.” He sighed again.

“But you never knowingly betrayed your family and Narnia,” I heard him say softly.

“No,” I replied, “but I almost betrayed myself.”

There was a slight pause before Ed spoke. “What are you talking about? I don’t remember anything wrong that you did, unless it happened when I was gone with the White Witch.” I shook my head.

“No it was in our last time to Narnia aboard the Dawn Treader, but it started long before that. Remember when I asked you if I looked anything at all like Susan before we left for Narnia?” There was a pause before he replied.

“Yes, I remember.”

“That question meant more to me than you thought it might have at the time. Ever since our first trip to Narnia and we grew up, Susan was always the one who got all of the attention. She was the one with all the suitors, the one people praised for her beauty beyond compare. Nobody noticed me, not when she was around. It was the same way when we got back, everyone fawns over Susan, but no one notices me. I know I am younger than her, but I wondered if I wasn’t beautiful enough to be noticed. No one ever told me I was beautiful. They only tell Susan how beautiful she is. I began to wish that I would grow up and look just like Susan, that people would praise my beauty and notice me too.” She looked up into my eyes. “I almost lost myself to that wish.”

He stared back at me, clearly surprised. I felt a lot of guilt as I continued to remember what I did, but Ed had to know. He had to know that he wasn’t alone with his struggles, that no one was perfect.

“Remember when I was on the island with the Dufflepuds and they took me?” I continued.

“Yes,” He replied softly. I heard the emotion is his voice. I could imagine how he felt. If it was anything like what I would feel if the roles were reversed, I would have felt horrible and very afraid. I didn’t want him to dwell too much on my absence, so I continued to explain what happened while I was gone.

“Well, when they told me to go recite the spell that made all things visible, I had to find it in the spell book. There were so many spells, spells to cure ailments, spells for snow,” I giggled despite still crying. “I really liked that one,” I admitted, “the whole room filled with snow.”

I saw his lips twitch like he was going to smile. I remembered the next part with dread and sadness. “But then I found a spell for beauty. It made you into the beauty you wanted to be.” I grabbed onto his shirt again, trying not to think about his judgment of me. This was to help him, even if it hurt me. I continued on. “There was a magical mirror beside the spell that showed you what you would look like if the spell was cast. You had to recite half of the spell though. I recited it and looked in the mirror in the book. I would have looked just like Susan, an exact copy of her. At first I thought it was her, but then I realized it was me. Even though I knew how wrong it was, I tore the page for the spell out of the spell book so that I could recite it later.”

He didn’t say anything. I started to feel afraid, but this time I knew I could not let my fear win. I had to say this. Edmund had to know.

“Everything went crazy for a few moments. Wind came gusting in from nowhere and blew the spell book pages really fast. I thought I heard a lion roar and the candles suddenly went out. Then I heard Aslan call my name. It sounded like he was right over my shoulder. I turned, but he wasn’t there. I still took the page Edmund, I know Aslan was trying to stop me, but I took it anyway. I hid it under my tunic.”

I began sobbing again as I relived my nightmare. I felt his grip on me tighten, whether in comfort or in anger I wasn’t sure. I had to finish my story before he wouldn’t listen anymore.

“Coriakin tried to warn us we all would be tested remember? He still said nothing. I swallowed hard. “He stared at me the longest, if you remember. I think he knew what I had done and was giving me another warning. I still didn’t listen Ed.” I emphasized my choice of not doing the right thing again. I knew he probably struggled with that. He needed to know I didn’t do the right thing when I could have multiple times. Now it was finally time to tell him of my worst mistake.

“When I went to bed that night, I had laid awake until Gael had fallen asleep. I then took out the page and was going to recite it. Somehow I had fallen asleep staring at the page and I dreamt I was in the ship’s cabin, with golden sunlight shining in the windows. There wasn’t a storm anymore. I walked up to the mirror in the cabin and saw my reflection change so that I looked just like Susan. As I watched my reflection, my dress changed into one Susan would wear in America and the mirror opened up to the party Susan told us about in her letter. All of these handsome men greeted me and I was introduced to the entire party as Ms. Pevensie. Everyone clapped and I heard people whispering to each other over my beauty.”

I didn’t want to look up at him, but I did anyway. I was terrified of what I would see in his eyes. “You were there and greeted me by calling me your beautiful sister. You took my arm and then Peter showed up and took my other arm.” He just looked at me silently, but intently. I could not guess what he was thinking. I turned to stare at the wall instead, getting lost in my horrible memory. “There was a photographer there and he asked us if we wanted a picture together. Peter said that our mum would love it because all of her children were together in one picture. I didn’t understand. I asked them what about Susan, then I thought maybe I was Susan, so I asked where Lucy was. It was all so confusing to me, I didn’t know if I was actually Susan or Lucy. Peter asked me who Lucy was and you didn’t know about Narnia when I asked you about it. I then struggled with you both because you wouldn’t let me go and then I found myself back in the cabin with Aslan.”

I looked back at him ashamed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. “Oh Edmund, it was awful and I told Aslan so! I didn’t exist in that world I saw.” I looked away from him, guilt and shame washing over me as I remembered. “Aslan told me that I doubted my worth. He said that if it wasn’t for me, none of us would have gone to Narnia, because I discovered it. He reminded me that I had my own place and worth in this world Ed, and I forgot all about that because I was so jealous of Susan.”

He heard him sigh as he shook his head slightly. He looked down at me somewhat surprised, but mostly saddened. I felt my heart nearly stop and I couldn’t breathe as I realized what he probably thought of me. I knew I deserved his disappointment in me, but I was still too selfish, still to hurt to hear him tell me what I knew deep down I deserved to hear.

“Lu,” he said slowly.

“Oh Ed, please don’t say it!” I cried sitting up and pushing away from him. I couldn’t take him saying it out loud. How he was disappointed in me, how he didn’t deserve such a selfish, jealous sister. He deserved the perfect sister he imagined I was. But I wasn’t that person. “I know it was the wrong thing to think in the first place, I know I shouldn’t have done it! I am so sorry!” I said as I sobbed into my hands, silently begging for his forgiveness; the forgiveness I didn’t deserve.

“Lu, I wasn’t going to say that at all.”

He must be thinking something even worse than I had first thought. As I cried, I wondered if he would ever forgive me someday, maybe he never would. Then I heard him speak.

 “Lu, what I meant to say was that I was surprised you didn’t think you were beautiful and special yourself.”

What? I thought confused. Slowly, I looked up at him. Is that what he really meant? Wasn’t he ashamed of me? Was he actually telling me that I was wrong and that he thought that I was beautiful?  I didn’t know what to think. He looked at me thoughtfully. “Didn’t you believe Aslan when he said that you were special?”

Aslan never lied to me before, so I knew when he said I was special that it was true. However, I was still was having trouble convincing myself that he was right, and wrapping my head around the thought that Edmund had so quickly and obviously agreed with him. “Y-yes,” I stuttered, “but He loves everyone and thinks everyone is special. I guess sometimes it’s hard to believe when no one else tells you too.”

Edmund looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. “Lu, I’m so sorry. I never knew you thought about yourself like that. You are beautiful in more ways than you know.”

I felt like a great burden had been lifted from me. Edmund wasn’t upset with me, although I didn’t know why. I was very grateful. I smiled despite still crying and leaned back against his chest, putting my arms around him again. “Thank you Ed,” I whispered. He would never really know how much his forgiveness and understanding meant to me. I took a deep breath to finish the last part of my story.

“Well I woke up in the middle of the night with the page still in my hand. I immediately got up and burned it in the cabin’s fireplace. Right after that, I went to see you because there was no way I was going to get back to sleep.” I gave him a squeeze. “No offense Ed, but when you woke up you looked awful, like you had seen a ghost.”

 “You didn’t look much better,” he joked weakly. I gave him a small smile before looking up at him sadly. His eyes looked slightly afraid and pained. I had to try to understand what he was feeling if I was going to help him.

“What is really bothering you Ed? It isn’t really about me is it? I asked. “You should know by now that no one is perfect, not even me.” I felt him give me a small hug. Something was very wrong because he didn’t speak, he just held me.

I pulled away slightly to look directly at him. “Ed?” I questioned softly as I gently laid my hand on his cheek. I watched as he struggled for a moment, his eyes warring with so many emotions that I couldn’t name, before he broke down and cried. I held him tighter as he cried and tried to whisper soothing words to him like Peter had done for me so many times. His crying didn’t subside though, in fact, he seemed to cry harder. I had never seen him so vulnerable, so broken. My heart was aching for him, for his pain, for his suffering. I just continued to hold him, wishing I could make all his pain go away. He surprised me by speaking.

“Why can’t any of you just say it?” He sobbed into my shoulder.

“Say what Ed?” I asked gently.

“Say that you are still disappointed in me. Say that I don’t deserve to be your brother. Say that it was better that I had died a traitor, because that is what I am. Say that Aslan shouldn’t have died in my place because I deserved to die instead.”

I was shocked by his words. He thought she, Peter, and Susan were too disappointed in him and would rather not have him for a brother? He thought he was better off dead? I pulled him tightly to me. How could he say that? How could he even think that those words were true?

“Never Ed,” I whispered fiercely, “Never would I say that you are a disappointment or that you are not worthy of being my brother. And, never, ever would I say that you should have died.” He had to understand. He had to see how much he meant to all of them, including her.

“But none of you can bear to look at me!” He cried. “I am so sick of seeing you look at me like it pains you just to see me here, that I am too much of a disappointment to you!” I was flabbergasted. He thought that they all looked at him like they did because they didn’t want a reminder of him, didn’t want to see him? I sat back and fairly shook him, tears streaming down my face.

“Honestly Ed, is that what you think? That we are so hurt and disappointed in what you did that it pains us to look upon you? You don’t understand!”

“There’s nothing to understand!” he nearly shouted interrupting her. She wanted to shake him again, but she didn’t.

“Yes there is Ed! You don’t understand what we see when we look at you.” He fell silent. She continued on determinedly.

“All we see when we look at you Ed is you lying in the grass dying before our very eyes. We see your struggles as you try to pretend that you are alright, when you have done nothing but suffer. We see our brother hurting, both back then and now.” I titled his head and forced him to meet my gaze. I willed him to see, to understand. “We do not look hurt because we cannot stand to see you Ed; we are hurt because we knew what it was like to almost never be able to see you again. We are hurt because you are hurting and we don’t know how to help you. We are deathly afraid of losing you again because we love you too much to ever want to lose you.”

He stared back at me stunned. I almost knew what he would be thinking after his confession. I knew it would be hard for him to understand.

“I know you may not understand Ed, but you are our brother. We may not like what you did, but we know you were sorry for it and you have spent your whole life trying to repay a debt that has already been erased, sins that have already been forgiven. We forgave you because you are our brother and we love you.” I thought of Aslan’s willing sacrifice. I was beginning to understand just how and why he did what he did. I smiled. “And Aslan forgave you and gave his life for you because he believed in you and loved you too.”

I saw regret and sadness in his eyes. “It’s not that easy Lu,” he said sadly, “I cannot escape from her no matter what I do or where I am.”

There was only one her he could be referring to. “You mean the White Witch?” I asked.  He nodded. I sighed softly. So he still was not free of her? Didn’t he realize that by clinging to the past, he wouldn’t let her go either? “Did you ever think the reason that you cannot escape her is that you cannot seem to let her go?” I asked.

He answered angrily. “You think I like being tortured by her in my life and in my dreams? Why would I not want to let her go?” I did not let his anger touch me this time.

“You are letting her still have control over you Edmund because you cannot forgive yourself.” I said calmly. “You have spent every day since her death feeling guilty and unworthy of being alive, and in doing so, you couldn’t let the past be past. By clinging to it, you also cling to her. If you try to move on from the past and forgive yourself, you may find that her hold on you lessens too.”

I watched his anger dissipate. It was replaced with uncertainty. “I don’t know Lu, I don’t think I can forgive myself that easily. So many people suffered and died because of me. How can I forgive myself for that?”

I thought for a moment as I looked towards the window in the room. I remembered what Aslan told me once about never knowing what could have happened. As I remembered his words, I realized why Aslan chose me to help Edmund. I was always observant and I realized what positive changes Edmund had made in his life based on what he went through. I was the one who could remind him of those positive changes.

“I asked Aslan once if I had followed him at the gorge if things would have turned out differently. He told me that we could never know what could have happened.” I said. I turned back to him. “But I do know Ed what did happen. What did happen is that Narnia had a king that knew how to handle and fairly treat disputes because you understood the meaning of justice. Narnia had a king that knew what it meant to extend mercy because mercy was first extended to you. Narnia had a king that knew how to forgive and earn the trust and respect from his subjects. Narnia had a king that showed the people that redemption was possible and that good can always overcome evil.

You were a living reminder Ed of everything good that could come out of bad. Our subjects didn’t look at you and see a traitor, or else they would have never followed you. Our subjects looked at you and saw their living, redeemed, merciful and just king.”

I could almost see Aslan’s face as I spoke. This is what I was meant to tell him all along. I smiled again as I thought of Aslan. I finally realized that he knew exactly what he was doing the night that he took Edmund’s place. I should know better; Aslan always knew what he was doing. “I can guarantee you that Aslan saw the same, and that is why he did what he did.” I continued confidently. “He died not only to spare your life, but he died to make you the king he knew you would become. Peter, Susan, and I would never have been able to rule like you did Ed, because we never experienced what you did. It was your experiences that made you the amazing king that you were and still are.” I closed my eyes still smiling as I thought I heard Aslan’s voice.

Well done, Queen Lucy.

 I remembered what he told me before many times. “Once a king or queen of Narnia,” I recited.

“Always a king or queen of Narnia,” Ed finished softly. I opened my eyes and gazed at him happily. He smiled back. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen him smile. It made my heart soar. He sighed. I could still see the evidence of a smile on his face. “It is still hard Lu, but I’ll try to remember all of that. It is so easy to remember the wrongs instead.”

I needed to tell him the lesson I had learned.  Remembering wasn’t wrong, but thinking about past things all the time and for the wrong reasons was a problem. “You don’t have to forget the wrongs Ed, just don’t dwell on them. The only reason you should remember them at all is to remember the type of person that they helped you to become.”

He nodded. “I will try that Lu, and I’ll work on forgiving myself too, but it won’t happen overnight.”

I looked at him pleadingly. “I don’t expect it to, but I do want you to try, please! I don’t want to see you hurting anymore.” He unexpectedly leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. I gasped, startled.

“I’ll try,” He promised. I pulled back from him with a smile. This was all I was hoping for, that he would at least promise to try.

“For future reference,” He said in a reprimanding tone that immediately caught my attention, “you should know that if anyone deserved to be a queen in Narnia, it was you. You may think Susan is beautiful, and she is in her own way, but she could never compare to your joy, your kindness, your compassion and love for others. That makes you more beautiful in spirit than she could ever be. I know that of all of us, the Narnians favored you most, and spoke of you often. You should never forget that, especially if you find that you start to feel jealous of Susan again.”

I smiled, full of joy. I couldn’t believe he would say such words to me. I was eternally grateful that I had his reassurances and forgiveness. I would do my best not to let Aslan, him, or myself down again. “Oh Edmund, I will do my best not to forget, thank you!” He chuckled. I smiled even bigger. Edmund actually laughed! It had been so long since I had heard his laugh. I just wanted sing I was so happy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll remind you if necessary,” he said.

I giggled. “I too, will remind you not to think so hard when you start to dwell on things in the past again.”

He snorted, but also smiled. “I know.”

Eustace hollered up the stairs that he was home just then. I smiled at Edmund and we both stood. I gazed at him for a moment before giving him one last hug and bounding out of the room to go help Eustace put away the groceries. I could already see some light returning to his eyes. It gave me hope. As I entered the kitchen, Eustace gave me a big smile.

“You most certainly look happier,” he stated. I smiled and hugged him, earning a surprised squawk from him.

“I am!” I said happily. He shook his head still grinning.

“I’m glad, because for a moment there, I was worried.”  I patted his arm lightly.

“Thank you Eustace for your concern, but I think I will be fine from now on.” I reached into the bag and pulled out a handful of what appeared to be the tomatoes she had asked him to get. The seeds and juice slipped through her fingers as she looked up at Eustace. She didn’t know what was redder, the smashed tomato in her hand, or Eustace’s face.

“Eustace, don’t tell me you put the tomato package on the bottom of the pile on the bicycle.” He swallowed hard.

“I. . I .. uhh,” he stuttered. I suddenly grinned.

“Well, we can’t let these tomatoes go to waste can we?” I asked. Eustace looked at me confused.

“We can’t still use them like that can we? I mean look at them.” I waited for a moment watching as he slowly realized what I had meant. “No, Lucy you aren’t thinking . . . “ She laughed as she threw the remains of the tomato at him. He cried out indignantly about his hygiene, but there was no malice in his words. I watched as he quickly ran and grabbed some to throw at me. He hit me square in the chest.

I chased after him still laughing. I suddenly heard a noise and turned to see Edmund in the doorway with a shocked expression on his face. Eustace and I both froze. After a few agonizing seconds, Edmund simply shook his head, grinned, and grabbed a handful of smashed tomatoes before joining in the fray.

As I watched his happy face, I could not help but smile. It appears that Aslan was right again; Edmund did need me, but he must have also known that I needed Edmund too. The realization struck me that I may still grieve for Narnia, but I needed this. I needed to live my life here. It was obvious that Aslan wanted me to live here in England. I just had to remember anytime that I really missed Narnia that I was needed and loved in this world too.

Thank you Aslan, for helping both Edmund and I, and for enabling us to help each other to heal. I thanked him silently. Help me to remember the lessons you taught me, and help me to live the way you want me to here.  I felt his presence in my heart as his voice rang through my head.

Take heart, you will see me again someday, Valiant Queen. Until then, do not worry.

I closed my eyes and smiled at Aslan’s reassurances.  Somehow I knew everything was going to be okay.


“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2