To Die an Atheist

A Poem By Wings of Eternity // 3/15/2011

Note: This poem was inspired by Laura Elizabeth's story The Dying Atheist. I couldn't quite get the story out of my head, so one day I sat down and wrote this. Thanks Laura Elizabeth for helping to inspire me to write this! Your story was quite moving! If anyone has not read it yet, I highly suggest they do!

 

No song to fill the moment,

Not a splash of color shown,

No feelings left to feel,

Not a gentle word was sown.

 

No parade to fill your senses,

No light to fill your eyes,

No joyful dancing present,

No comfort in your lies.

 

As the darkness falls around you,

As the final curtain draws,

As you walk off the stage of life,

you heard no great applause.

 

It’s too late to regret it,

It’s too late to comprehend,

It’s too late to admit your wrongs,

It’s too late at the end.

 

Your final thoughts were anguish,

Your final tears were pain,

Your final words were broken,

Your final feeling shame.

 

You wished for one more moment,

You wished for one more chance,

You wished to ask forgiveness,

on how you spent life’s dance.

 

You now know your great error,

You now know you were wrong,

You now knew God existed,

and forever seems quite long,

 

To feel this utter torment,

To feel this great despair,

To be forever cloaked in darkness,

to exist forever there.

 

Thanks for reading! If anyone has any suggestions/corrections please feel free to let me know! Thanks and God Bless!

Wings of Eternity

 

Comments

Wow, I'm impressed... and

Wow, I'm impressed... and flattered :) Very good! I would just suggest that the last verse seems to cut off the poem a little abruptly. But I'm not sure what you would add, so if you can't think of anything, don't force it. It's a very well done piece. I'm glad I got you thinking, too. Thumbs up :D

Laura Elizabeth | Tue, 03/15/2011

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The best stories are those that are focused, unassuming, and self-confident enough to trust the reader to figure things out. --

http://lauraeandrews.blogspot.com/2014/05/dont-tell-me-hes-smart.html

Thank you :)

Thank you Laura Elizabeth for your kind words! I agree with you about the last verse and I was somewhat aware of it before I posted it. I will think about it and perhaps I will come up with one more verse to write and if so, I'll add it and comment on your story to let you know! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and I am happy that you didn't mind me writing something based on your idea :) Your work was beautiful so keep up the great work (and who knows maybe you'll inspire another piece *wink*).

God Bless,

Wings of Eternity

Wings of Eternity | Tue, 03/15/2011

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Now It's my turn!! ;)

Wow! I loved this poem. It flowed beautifully. I also loved Laura Elizabeth's short story: and if not for it, this great work wouldn't have existed! :) So here I go, finally reading something of yours. The ending might have been slightly abrupt...it might need a softer, more thoughtful last verse, maybe? But right now, I just love it the way it is! Wonderful job and keep it up! :D

Madeline | Wed, 03/16/2011

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thanks HomeschoolGirl!

Thanks for your thoughtful review! I appreciate you taking the time to read my poem ;)  I am really glad that you like it! I have been brainstorming for a last verse, so we will have to wait and see what happens. I agree that I might go for a thoughtful verse. You actually read my mind because I was thinking about doing a contemplative verse since Laura Elizabeth mentioned I could use another verse :) What can I say, great minds think alike (haha!) *wink*. I'll comment on Laura Elizabeth's story if I get another verse added to let everyone know.

Hopefully my other poem I have submitted for review will be added soon because I am anxious to see how it is received. I don't know why, but most people just look at me funny when I read it to them. They think it is good, but I wonder if there is something bothering them about it, or if it simply is too deep, or makes them think too much lol. I'd absolutely love it if you would read it when it is added and let me know what you think when you get the chance! It'd be nice to get some honest input on it :)

Oh, and next week when my posts reset, I have a poem that your Green Eyes poem kinda inspired ;)  It may not appear to have been inspired at all by it, but your poem got me thinking of doing a poem outside of my comfort zone with poetry. I decided one day to sit down and write something totally off the wall for me. It took me two days to figure out what even half of it meant to me haha! I hope you like that one too :) When I get it up it is entitled One Thousand, so you know what to look for :)

Thanks again and God Bless!

Wings of Eternity

Wings of Eternity | Wed, 03/16/2011

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Thank you! :)

It's so nice of you to take the time to reply and comment! I really did enjoy this. Keep it up! I'll also be looking to your next poem as well. And don't worry...I've gotten some "is she crazy?" looks, too! But just imagine the looks that Robert Frost, Shakespeare, Shel Silverstein...especially Dr. Suess got! And they turned out to be some of the most amazing poets in history. :)

That was so nice of you to write one after reading Green Eyes. I'd love to read it and will keep an eye out for it! Thank you! :)

Madeline | Wed, 03/16/2011

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way