A Heart’s Gamble

A Poem By Wings of Eternity // 2/10/2016

I’m waiting for you
to show your hand
Will you hold
or will you fold?
Don’t you know
you can’t play the game
with fire red,
and coal black,
both in your hands?
I’m bleeding,
diamond-shaped tears.
I can’t win
For you always hold
the upper hand:
a flushing red
of my beating heart.
It isn’t fair
to leave me holding
onto only blackness.
Don’t you know?
I could beat you
with such a hand as this,
but I found
that I don’t want to
win anymore.
Because we both lose.
So I’ll lay down my cards
if you promise to hold
my heart in your hands.
And if you will return
the favor,
I believe we both
can win.


I love it! Sounds almost like

I love it! Sounds almost like a thought you caught hold of and started playing with.... It feels like one of those clever poems that are like a game of wits. Very well crafted, I like it! Some parts didn't seem as smooth to me, but I can't figure out which.... Let me see...
"with fire red,
and coal black,
both in your hands?"

The bolded line felt slightly hard on the rythme although I understand who want to play off the black and white aspects of cards... Maybe combining the two lines would make it flow better? I'm not sure.... Sorry, I hardly ever try to critique, so I don't know if this is helpful or harmful.
I also understand if it's just kinda one of those play around pieces you don't want to pick up again ;)
Very enjoyable though, really love the artistry and imagery!

Kassady | Tue, 05/17/2016

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
Write On!


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