It's Not Fair

A Poem By Wings of Eternity // 7/17/2016

It’s not fair
You were too young
too gentle
too kind.

It’s not fair
I won’t get to celebrate
your birthday
a few days before mine.

It’s not fair
We were the same age
yet I will see
a spouse, children
you will not.

It’s not fair
You left behind
two parents
lost in grief.

It’s not fair
No one will see
the sparkle in your eyes
or your charming smile
anymore.

It’s not fair
That you make me wonder
what would have happened
if you were still here.

It’s not fair
That I question God
why you died,
when it could have happened to me.

It’s not fair
That everywhere I go
I’m reminded of you

It’s not fair
That I’m left to wonder
if you were scared or in pain
before you died.

It’s not fair
That I’m left to question
if you believed in the end
and if I will see you again.

It’s not fair
That I miss you this much

It’s not fair
That you make me question almost everything

It’s not fair
That you died without knowing
just how much
I loved you.

Comments

Wow, Wings of Eternity. Not

Wow, Wings of Eternity. Not only is this poem so fitting for this time of grief all over the world through the terrorist attacks, but it also for you in a personal level. I've been reading stories of loss too...alot of books on 9/11, and so this especially perked my attention.

It’s not fair
That I question God
why you died,

It’s not fair
That you died without knowing
just how much
I loved you.

It’s not fair
That I’m left to wonder
if you were scared or in pain
before you died.

^^ I agreed with all those.
When I read the books on 9/11, it was a little different though, because the ones I read about, they talked on the phone to their wives or to an operator before dying, and that was also heart-wrenching to read, but at the same time I'm glad that they had a chance. (Let's Roll by Lisa Beamer; Your Father's Voice by Lyz Glick; and 102 Minutes - I would recommend reading them in that order.)

I can kind of imagine what you must be going through...it's very bittersweet and the feeling of "if only you knew" how much I cared for you to know God as I do. Thank you for posting this.

Lucy Anne | Sun, 07/17/2016

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you Lucy Anne

Thank you Lucy Anne :) Yes, this poem would fit into all of the other horrible things happening in the world right now. It has definitely been a time of prayer for me. Praying for all of the people around the world who are also in shock and grieving right now. Grief, like love, is universal.

I have read some books on 9/11, but honestly, I find them usually too hard to read emotionally. Being homeschooled, I was home and watched in real time right after the first tower was hit, until long after they both collapsed. I saw the second plane hit before the newscasters even knew what was going on. It was such a heart-wrenching time for me, and for the rest of the country.

I tried to read Let's Roll years ago, and only could read half of the book. It was too much for me. I put the book away sobbing. I can't even bring myself to watch movies based on the events either. I will watch the remembrance specials on tv, because I never want to forget, but it is silly because even if I never saw or heard anything ever again about it, I would never forget. I have photographic memory and can "see" the events that day. It is important though that people still talk about it and remember it, especially those who may not have been old enough at the time to have experienced it, or never saw it when it happened. I will tuck away the book titles you suggested, and if I can bring myself to read them someday, I will.
Thank you Lucy Anne for your wonderful and thoughtful comment :) Blessing to you dear

Wings of Eternity | Sun, 07/17/2016

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

I understand. Just for me, I

I understand. Just for me, I was 2 years old, and we didn't have a TV and so just reading these books was my first time exposed to this. And yes, I cried and sobbed and cried during Let's Roll, and I felt like I was walking around in a daze and in mourning for a while.
edit to add: I actually was at a used curriculum sale when I found Let's Roll, and then read part of it wanting to cry in the middle of whole commotion...when I got home, I borrowed it from the library, and that's how it all started. But I am so so thankful that was the first one I read because it still had the hope of Christ in it, which the others I read does not. Your Father's Voice even more heart-breaking because of how it was written--full of love for her husband...and then suddenly...
It is just good to read about these books to open my eyes and challenge me to not treat every day as a given, but as a great gift. Every sun, and moon rise/fall...
Megan

Lucy Anne | Sun, 07/17/2016

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm really sorry for your

I'm really sorry for your loss! Losing someone never makes sense and never feels fair, no matter what. It can really rock your sense of reality and bring up a lot of feelings of anger, sadness, confusion...everything -- which you captured really well in this poem. Sending a hug. And it's hard not to know what difference your prayers made, but it might have done more than you realized!

Sarah Bethany | Mon, 07/18/2016

We may never meet in person

We may never meet in person Wings, but at this moment I desperately want to hop a plane (train, boat, helicopter) to hug you. I am so sorry for your loss, I have never personally lost anyone close or dear to me... But recently a younger friend of mine's mom passed and it was devastating, I cannot even imagine the pain you've been going through since knowing this person truly and growing to love them as a brother.
This poem says it all and made me want to cry (I would have if maybe I didn't just wake up recently), I felt almost attached to this man as you were and it made my chest ache and near the middle I felt as if reading this was a prayer of my own sent to God and him.
Thank you for sharing this pain, I hope it relieves it (even if just a little). Keep writing and keep praying!
Most sencerist condelnces.

Kassady | Tue, 07/19/2016

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Thanks Sarah Bethany :)

Thanks so much for the hug my dear :) Thank you also for the encouragement! It is good to be reminded that sometimes God answers our prayers in mysterious ways. I did pray for this man's physical protection, but also for his protection against his environment. He was definitely not in a God-honoring environment, yet he seemed to transcend it somehow. It amazed me how someone could be so good and have morals when everyone around him was pretty much without morals. God reminded of me of that yesterday, and I can't help but wonder if God took him because he would have eventually fallen to the lows of everyone around him. He might not have been perfect, but he was a good man. I have been praying that good will come out of his death. I know it has shaken some of his friends to their core, and many of them are not believers. I keep praying that they will seek God and not fall into despair. Thank you so much again for your lovely comment! Blessings to you!

Wings of Eternity | Tue, 07/19/2016

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Aww thanks Kass :)

Thanks so much Kassady for your comment! I was trying so hard not to cry! I will gratefully accept a virtual hug my dear :) Who knows, perhaps someday I will meet some of my AP family ;)
As for this young man, I wasn't actually friends with him or really know him, I just grew to know and love him through prayer. It is hard to explain sometimes, but like I told my mom, when you pray for someone hard (are deeply interceding for them), God's love for the person and His will invade you and you feel God's love and deep desire to draw that person back to Him. He felt so much like a wayward brother to me. Losing him is like taking a part of your spirit and ripping it out because there is no truer connection to someone than the connection you feel when you intercede for someone. It is love in its truest form, because you are experiencing God's love.
Yes, writing and sharing this has helped me because it helps me to validate my grief. The human part of me keeps wondering why I felt so deeply for someone I really didn't know well, but I keep telling myself that if other people don't get it, than that is okay. Not everyone is going to understand what it is like to lose someone you pray for so hard. I do intend to keep writing and I have been praying too and intend to keep it up :) Thank you so much! Blessings to you :)

As a side note, I was considering writing a piece on intercession because I think it is a largely overlooked and not well understood part of praying. It is a lot like what is portrayed in the movie War Room if any of you have seen that. My bedroom walls look exactly like Miss Clara's prayer room; notes, Bible quotes, and prayers are everywhere! I don't know how well the topic would be received though. You guys are amazing! However, I know it might not be everyone's cup of tea. If anyone wants to share their thoughts with me on me writing such a piece, I would be glad to hear them :)

Wings of Eternity | Tue, 07/19/2016

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Thanks Lucy Anne :)

Thanks Lucy Anne for your comment! I am glad you are taking the time to read about something so difficult to grasp. I know it is heartwrentching, but it is important that people who weren't old enough to remember it, to know what happened too. I was telling my mom last night that I liken 9/11 experience to my grandpa seeing the first-hand effects of the Holocaust. He couldn't stand to talk about it, read about it, or watch anything about it. I however, have at times immersed myself in studying it because it is something that affected him so profoundly and should never be forgotten. Because I didn't experience it first-hand however, I was able to cope with learning about it. It still haunts me too much sometimes and I put all my research and books away for a while. Just like him with the Holocaust, I cannot stand to talk much about 9/11, read about it, or watch something about it. I want my children someday to know all about it though, because it is so important that they do. It does help you keep so many things in perspective and count your blessings! Blessings to you :)

Wings of Eternity | Tue, 07/19/2016

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Sorry I'm late--I read this

Sorry I'm late--I read this when it was first published and wanted to find the right words! This was a lovely tribute to a much-loved person--thank you for sharing this with us. What you're working through must be very difficult, and all I can say is that you always have us as an outlet--if you need to post, or talk in the comments, or whatever--we're here. It's not nearly the same, but I got on my favorite news site one morning last month to find a singer who was just a few years older than me had been violently killed, and it bothered me for a long while. I used to watch her videos when I was younger, and it was hard to fathom that she was suddenly gone--so young. I know you're having a lot of those same thoughts plus more, obviously, since you had an emotional connection to this person through prayer. I'm sure God is working through you--it means something that you felt led to pray for him. I'm sending love and support your way!

Madeline | Thu, 07/21/2016

everything was better when/you would call and I'd be like/yeah babe, no way

Thank you Homey :)

Thank you Homey for your lovely comment :) I appreciate you taking the time to find the right words. Thank you so much for your (and everyone elses!) support during this time. It means so very much to me and has helped me far more than you know. I am so sorry too for your loss of your singer. I believe I know who you are talking about. I remember praying for her family, friends, and fans at the time. It doesn't matter how close or not we are to someone, it still hurts and causes grief when someone we know or know of dies, and they meant something to us. God has definitely been with me during this time. He has not forsaken me and has comforted me as He has promised. Thanks for the comment and the love. Sending the love and a thank you hug right back ;) Blessings to you!

Wings of Eternity | Fri, 07/22/2016

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

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